So i’m approaching my 1000th post on this blog finally and I wanted to do something semi-special, like record myself reading some of my writing. So i thought I should ask people their suggestions regarding what I should read. I do maintain a blog specifically for my writing, although i haven’t updated since february. If you want to read through some of it and suggest something for me to read, you can find that blog here. Also I’ve posted some of my writing directly to this blog, and you will find that writing here. So um yeah don’t feel obligated to read them, but if you feel like offering suggestions, go for it!
i reblogged this from my new main blog just to let you all know i haven’t abandoned this blog. i’ve just been in a weird mood of late. also if you have a request for something i should read you should message me.
fell in love with
your crooked teeth
bared when you smile
fell in love with
your car radio
the notes between us
fell in love with you
because once i believed
in hope’s bewitching power
-
now i believe in goodbyes
and i fell in love with
the open door
Disregard the previous post. I am too fond of this blog to leave it. So I won’t.
For years you whispered into my ear, I love you, I love you, I love you. I grew so used to hearing it, I didn’t notice when one day you added …but not enough.
I have become a basement creature, dwelling in shadow, with nothing to keep me company but a small window at ground level. At certain times the dirty glass punctures my eyes with fractured rays of light. In the darkness, an electric shock. Even the most wilted flowers crane their heads toward the sun. So it goes with humans—even when we want to die, a part of us will always fight for life. It is 4:43 in the afternoon, and suddenly, I blink.
Her skin is very pale and smooth, save for a narrow swath across her shoulders, tanned and freckled from a bad sunburn years ago. The skin there is aged and scarred from the blisters. Secretly she like the roughness. Her scars are medals, from victorious battles. They are reminders of pain she overcame. She bares her shoulders when she can. The marks there are remnants of cauterized wings.
Once, I was outside, stepping backwards in the backyard, when I felt something crushed beneath my heel. I lifted my foot and looked, in horror, upon a baby rabbit flailing in the grass. It flung itself against the ground and I could only stare. I called my father and he scooped the tiny thing into his gloved hands, put it in a cardboard box and took it away. I don’t know where. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I pleaded to an invisible audience. But it made no difference.
I thought of the pet cat we’d buried in the yard, not so far from where the rabbit had lain. She was old, it was her time. The rabbit was young and I was careless. A death scene played out in the suburban summer. The feeling of a life extinguished beneath you is unforgettable. It stains your mind, your body, your heart. Suddenly, you’re sagging under your own weight. I walked as one condemned for days after. I was disgusted with the power of me.
The fragility of bones is the stuff of nightmares. To this day, when I walk, I look where my feet are going.
The natural evanescence of things makes me feel safe. I like holiday flings because it’s so easy to go back. To pretend it never happened. I use the internet to compose all my love letters because I can hit cancel any time I want. The words vanish into thin air. Little things I do that can be traced back to you. To the scars you left on me. Which, in time, will fade, just like everything else.
in the back bedroom
brimming with shadows i
lay you down
trace you with my
index finger like a knife
engrave you in the sheets
after you’re gone
try as i might i
cannot smooth them over
down to the bare mattress
like a stain
your outline remains
